I am trying to live my life in a place of hope and faith. It is hard for me. I look at so many people that find this easy. I struggle. I am so positive some days. For the most part my thoughts are: my life is wonderful and my Mom will beat this. Somehow though in each day doubt and fear creep in. I am so scared of the future. I try not to even go there because it is so hard for me not to have the statistics of this disease flood me. The moment she was diagnosed I fell to the ground weeping. The doctor’s diagnosis stole my future, my family’s future & all of our dreams. I want to be back in December where life had no worries. We have all learned not to focus too much on the next month or the next year. It is all today, tomorrow and this week and I am ok with that. I am positive in those moments. The future is what is so horrifying to me. I feel guilty when my thoughts are not on a miracle. I want my faith to be so strong that I don’t have any doubts. My doubts feel like a betrayal to my faith and to my Mom and that hurts me the most!
Danielle
7 comments:
Danielle,
We are all with you in those same thoughts-she did so well in school this past week-we hug and laugh daily with her. It is hard just to think of the present when we have existed so much planning for those fun things in the future. Everyone is so happy to have her back a few days a week. She is an inspiration to all of us-she is truly one of a kind-we love her so much. Thanks for all your thoughts and updates throughout this ordeal.
Dearest Danielle, I would do anything to ease your pain and comfort you...and all of your family. Like you,we are all living in the "now" because the future may be too frightening. Hold on to your faith and all those dearest to you. We will all make every day count as we hope and pray for a miracle. Love heals. Donna
Danielle, I continue to hold you and your mom in my thoughts.
Danielle - I've watched how you've handled this from afar, and I have to say I am in awe of how well you, Jen, and your mom, are doing. If I was to walk in your shoes I feel like I couldn't take the next step. But you can, and do, day after day. Not only that, but your blog keeps the rest of us who are far away from home connected to your mom's fight. Keep your spirits as high as you can, and know that your family is in our thoughts. It's scary to think where we will be in one year, or five, or ten. But right now we're lucky to have each day. Easy for me to say that all the way from L.A., but I really think it's true. Much love from Kelly and Joe.
Danielle,
Let the anxieties of your thoughts and of your Heart rest in God.
I see the transformation of her Healing each and every day! Mom is going to be better than ever!
Looking forward to seeing you soon.
Love you.
Jen
Danielle,
You and your family remain in my prayers since I had the pleasure of meeting you at the retreat. Do not feel that your fearful thoughts betray your mother...all is in God's hands and He is holding all of you up and will continue to do so regardless of what the future brings. Your family is strong in hope and love...do not beat yourself up for being human. Even Jesus wept when he was weary.
Love,
Erin Boni
eefemedia@gmail.com
Oh, Danielle, I am thinking about you and praying for you. Your faith is not failing you, God is just stretching it beyond your imagination. Just think of it as a faith journey, not a destination. I, too, do not like these painful times of growth and have many days that get the best of me leaving me paralyzed and incapable of coping. But you are so wise to try and take it one day at a time and focus on the blessings. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Marla
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