My 3 Sons

I am finding that balance in my life again. It has taken time, but I do see it finally returning. My fear of not getting every minute that I possibly can with my Mom is subsiding. She needs to live her life and I have to live mine. It doesn't mean that I won't visit home, it just means not every weekend. The panic of the diagnosis has ebbed and I am now finding that balance between the life I had and my new routine of visiting Mom & Dad every weekend. I am making huge strides. For the last 3 months I have had a major fear of commiting to anything. I haven't made many plans with friends as I hate to cancel and I feared the minute I made a plan something was going to happen. So, I am making plans again, we have friends coming to Columbus to stay with us this weekend, I am booking flights and hotels for a friends wedding in September, I booked a Disney vacation yesterday for next spring break. I know I went a little overboard yesterday with the spring break thing but it felt so good to plan something without saying "what if...". I have finally figured that life will always have its "what ifs" if I let it, but right now I have to let go of the "what ifs." I keep reminding myself that only God knows our days. It sucks that the doctors have stamped her days on her head based on her diagnosis, but the truth is only God knows. My days could be shorter or longer than hers...I just haven't had anyone stamp those on me... so I live life without reservations. My fear of my Mom's disease is always there but I am letting go the best I can and allowing myself to enjoy each day as it is truly a GIFT!